John Fitzgerald Page Named "Least Influential"

John Fitzgerald Page, guys. Do you remember the details? He told a girl who "winked" at him on Match.com to send more pictures showing her body in the context of an email succinctly detailing his credentials, beginning with "8.9 on Hot or Not" and ending with "has had lunch with the secretary of defense." He's just been named one of Atlanta's "Least Influential People," by the local alternative newsweekly, which snapped this priceless picture of him leaning on his "Beemer convertible" with a martini we hope is spiked with polonium. (Click on it, it's much better at 400 pixels! Related: please someone make a poster of this.) He's the only one of eleven we'd heard of, although interestingly #3 is also named on the basis of an ineffectively straightforward romantic invitation on the internet. ("I am looking to Give Head and have some fun NO GAMES." The name's Karma Delite, and he's been in Atlanta for four years without love. ""I know it sounds corny, but I feel like a woman trapped in a man's body...I'm more feminine than masculine. To be perfectly honest, I would rather meet straight men." Lightbulb!)

As in most of these cases involving random people who somehow manage to curiously channel the anger and disgust of humankind, I'm torn. Because I went to Penn, Page's alma mater. And as putrid as this guy is, there is just so much more where THAT came from. It's almost like, you know, blaming Michael Jackson's children for turning out kinda pervy. [Creative Loafing]